ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
