in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
