Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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