I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Quick, to the slutcave!
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
