I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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