she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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