Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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