My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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