The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
