Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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