Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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