Cold hands, warm shart.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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