:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
