I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize