when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
