I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
