Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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