I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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