look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
