I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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