I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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