You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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