I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
