he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
