Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
