You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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