New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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