Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
They have beer where we have blood.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
