Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
