Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
