You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
