oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
