2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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