When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
