we should wear snuggies to the strip club
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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