my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
