Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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