I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize