wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
