You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
