i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
