Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
