South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
