On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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