just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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