the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
