Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Randomize
