New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
