Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You made out with two different species that night
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
