it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
