You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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