ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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