is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
