Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
