Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
