Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
