The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
