I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
