Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
