my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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