Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
