I just cut my nipple shaving
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
