I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
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