How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
