He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
