Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
