i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i dont even know how to be here
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
the liver wants what the liver wants
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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