I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
