Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
