my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
