I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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