Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
