had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
