you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
