what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
