i wish there were pregnant emoticons
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
