He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
