Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
It's Friday. Sex?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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