my mouth tastes like poor choices
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
