i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
