Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
