just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize