just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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