I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Randomize
