I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
