so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
