I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
