A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
