I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
