FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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