i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize