There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
