that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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