Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
