clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
