Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Less talking, more tequila
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
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