I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
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