Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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