we're blogging at a bar
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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