i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
