There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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