who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
