Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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