He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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