I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
